How To: Survive CBS
You might have been talented in whatever school you went to before CBS. Maybe you found classes to be a breeze or you got by with talking out of your ass, but this is different. There are some seriously talented people here at CBS and the bar has undoubtedly been raised. There are people who stay home on weekends to get up early and study. There are people who have several bachelors already and, as if that wasn’t hard enough to compete with, there are people who are naturally good at everything; people who drop out of school because it’s holding them back.
This will predictably make you feel even worse for spending seven hours browsing the internet so here are some strategies for dealing with your inevitable feeling of inadequacy…
Mark Twain said, “Give a man a reputation for being an early riser and that man can sleep till noon”. The real world isn’t about grades and hard work. It’s about making your boss think you work hard. Just ask Marilee Jones, an MIT admittance director who faked all of her credentials for 28 years or maybe Dr. Laura Callahan, who bought all her PHD degrees and still worked for the Department of Homeland Security. The truth is that your fellow student might one day be your employer, and there is no reason to let him know now that you are halfway through the course and haven’t bought the books yet. Nobody will ever doubt your abilities and so there is no reason to let everyone know that you aren’t at least as smart as the guy sitting next to you.
So, sit back, relax, and think about the fact those beers you’re drinking at Nexus probably are the best way to get that dream job. Did I say drink beer? I meant “networking.”
But beware, its cold at the top and you just might find that you need more comfort than swagger. That’s why you could try to…
Whine the Hardest
Student: “I am sooo bad at statistics”
Student: “Oh, you have no idea, I am really, really bad at statistics. I am totally going to fail”
You: “Pffth, I am so bad statistics that by linear regression I have already failed and I am now a hobo.”
This is probably the most common strategy. There is a never-ending supply of like-minded souls around exam time and it’s pretty easy to master this game. Between all classes you just find a group of people who are nervous about their own skills and then proclaim yourself to be the worst. They take comfort in knowing they are not the only ones and you have now completely absolved yourself from even trying. It is much more comfortable to fail when you haven’t even made an effort. Incidentally, this works in almost all aspects of life. Just tell people you suck at cooking and they will never complain about your burnt toast. Tell people you cant dance and be secure in the knowledge that people won’t even laugh when you try. This is a strategy that can get you out of almost any sort of effort – for life.
So, this is where you will most likely find your wolves to howl with, but just be prepared for that awkward moment when somebody doesn’t suck. Or you get a good grade. Your new self-deprecating group is fickle, my friend, and doesn’t allow for winners.
Which means you could…
Up Your Game
Look deep inside and realize what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then, work hard to improve your skills. Take the time away from fun procrastination activities and study up. Ask questions when you don’t understand something and immerse yourself in your studies. Maybe get a tutor. You might not get the same emotional support as the liars and the whiners and you would have less spare time in your everyday life, but you would more feel secure and comfortable.
But let’s be honest…
The Truth is You’re Screwed
What choice are you going to make? What are you going to pick to do now? Work out? Go to bed early and get your full eight hours of sleep? Harness your organic green house tomatoes from your garden?
You might as well grow college credits from your pancreas. The odds are not in your favor that you’ll become the perfect student. Procrastination is a powerful vice. So, get a drink and push that reading to next week, you are in the same boat as the rest of us who are just trying to survive CBS.
In fact, I even think Friends is on right now…